Tuesday December 18, 2012
Secret Santa love
By S. INDRAMALAR and ANN MARIE CHANDY
This Christmas, the Sofa Spudniks give Santa a helping hand.
CHRISTMAS is around the corner and you know what that means right? Christmas episodes on TV: tidings of comfort and joy, a little hiccup midway and a lesson thrown in at the end.
Our favourite Christmas episode of all time is an episode entitled Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire on The Simpsons (think it was in Season One). Remember Bart’s version of Jingle Bells? Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile broke its wheel and the Joker got away. Cool! In this episode, Homer doesn’t get a Christmas bonus at work and so he secretly gets a part-time job as a mall Santa to make enough for presents for his brood. The gig doesn’t exactly pay well (after deductions, he gets only US$13) so Homer and Bart decide to make some money on the race track where they bet on Santa’s Little Helper, a greyhound. Of course, their pick comes out last but all is not lost: they take the dog home and the clan celebrate with their new pet and have a merry Christmas anyway.
We’re not reliving favourite episodes this week – we just got carried away for a bit. Instead, we are assuming the role of Santa’s little helpers (hehe, like the dog) and have compiled a list of TV characters who seem like they could do with a visit from Santa. We even went the extra mile to suggest the gifts that could make their Christmas a little merrier.
And we begin with the “good” doctors on Grey’s Anatomy. Geez, this bunch has been through an awful lot these past seven years or so: poor George O’Malley (T.R. Knight) died, Izzy Stevens (Katherine Heigl) had a brain tumour and lost her husband ... and then her mind, Meredith Grey ... well her life is constantly so full of drama! She had to deal with a bomb, a shooter, infertility, drowning, the death of her father and a few other loved ones (no names, no spoilers!). And Christina Yang? Well, she’s just a royal mess: she was left at the aisle by one almost-husband, problems with another actual husband, a sucky attitude ... the list just goes on! These doctors never seem to catch a break, which makes them really worthy of Christmas cheer. Their perfect gift? Hmmm let’s see. The whole lot of them are constantly in and out of love, sneaking off during work hours to make out with each other, they fight all the time ... they sure seem like teenagers, don’t they? What say we get Santa to give them ... the complete Twilight series (books and DVD set combo). Yeah!
Next on our list are the four judges from The Voice. Indra is loving Season Three of this show: the judges have found their groove this year, they’re still a little competitive but they’ve kept the focus on the contestants and not themselves. Plus, they’re really pretty generous with their coaching, unlike a certain other competitive singing reality show that’s been on forever and has sort of lost its mojo. So, yes, Santa needs to give the four judges some presents. But what do they need? The delightful Cee Lo Green could probably do with a dog. He got into so much trouble from animal rights groups for bringing his pet cockatoo to the show (the bird is endangered and not suitable to be kept as a pet) and we think a cuddly dog would be a safer choice. Maybe a pug. Or a Cocker Spaniel? Blake Shelton has been looking a little scruffy of late – he’s still awfully handsome but perhaps he needs a shaving kit. Christina Aguilera ... well, we really like her a lot and admire her confidence but we do think she needs a bra that fits her well. No? Adam Levine? Well, divine Levine seems to have it all so Santa, can you give him Indra’s number? Oh, that’s so cheesy! Maybe her twitter tag and maybe ask him if he’d be her friend on Facebook? Ann Marie has no time for men in her life. (Indra: Yeah, and Santa lives upstairs from me!).
Now on to Sherlock Holmes, the title character of BBC’s hit series Sherlock. It’s a good show for sure and Benedict Cumberbatch is a breath of fresh air. But Santa, he really needs a comb. Or a haircut. Yes, please could you get him an appointment with a hairstylist? And maybe some Brylcreem? As for Martin Freeman (Dr Watson), maybe a long vacation away from annoying Sherlock. Even Smaug might be a relief!
The cast of Revenge probably are in need of some cheer too, seeing that their lives are fraught with complications. But then they’ve all been so naughty and not at all nice, so I don’t think any amount of persuasion will get Santa over to the Hamptons this year. Too bad, because I’d really like to see Nolan Ross have something nice happen to him: he’s about the only character who’s selfless on the show. Well, kinda.
As for the cast of How I Met Your Mother, we think that poor Robin Scherbatsky (Cobie Smulders) deserves a good Canadian Christmas. So everyone else can dress up in ice hockey gear, and the menu at MacLaren’s bar (where they hang out all the time) can comprise Quebec yellow pea soup, Montreal smoked meat and real Montreal bagels, maple syrup pie and butter tarts (Santa can get chef Anna Olson to cook up the meal). And everyone can go around saying Merry Christmas, eh? Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor) could probably do with some therapy; so we’d recommend that Santa give him some time with a consultant pyschologist (preferrably a hot one). I believe Marshall Eriksen (Jason Segel) and Lily Aldrin (Alyson Hannigan) already have a kid (although I am not up to speed with those episodes) and so baby gifts for them, please! Or maybe a couple spa and free babysitting for a day! As for Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris)? A trip to Vegas? A wardrobe of T-shirts that say “I’m so awesome” in rainbow colours? An entourage of skimpily clad Santarinas? A guest spot on Harold and Kumar’s next movie?
And what of the cast of The Big Bang Theory? For Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), there could be no better Christmas present than his mama’s cooking, and a serendipitous meeting with Leonard Nimoy (since Penny already gave him the hanky signed by Nimoy, we’ll have to up the ante). Santa, would you be able to rig that for Mr Genius? Maybe someone could sing him the “Soft Kitty” song on Christmas eve too? What could Santa possibly give Raj Koothrappali (Kunal Nayyar)? I can’t believe how much Raj speaks these days. I mean, in the beginning there was not a peep from him. These days he talks non-stop! Perhaps, Santa could give him tips on how to be an Indian in America and still be cool? He so needs help in that area, the poor dear. For Amy Farrah Fowler (Mayim Bialik), we think Santa should grant her only wish – a make-out session with Sheldon! For the rest of them, let’s have a party and get Canadian alternative rock band Barenaked Ladies to be the live entertainment (after singing at Robin’s Christmas Shebang, that is). What coolness that would be.
Finally, the last characters on our list are Carrie Mathison (Claire Danes) and Nicholas Brody (Damian Lewis) of Homeland. Boy have these two been through hell and back. When this Abu Nazir plot is all tied up, we’d like Santa to give them a three-day-two-night stay at some fancy resort in the Maldives so they can romance (wink!) without the CIA listening in. Merry Christmas everyone!